A Lokean Devotional Vignette
“You’re avoiding me,” Loki says gently.
I bow my head, chin to chest.
I know he’s right.
Tag: deity devotion
A Lokean Devotional Vignette
“I’m tired and a little weary,” I mumble to Loki.
“I’m glad that you feel safe enough with me to tell me.
Simple fix, sweetheart. Sleep. Rest.”
A Lokean Devotional Vignette
“Let the calm enter you.”
“I don’t know how, Loki.”
“It’s there waiting for you to choose it.” He says, my web in mending with him.
“Let wonder replace your shame.
It is your absolute right to be filled with awe.”
I feel the truth of his words. And feeling it changes me.
A Lokean Devotional Vignette
“Make time to feel, dear heart.
Feel good. Feel relief. Feel your thoughts as they dissolve beneath my kiss,” Loki tempts.
“Did you just call yourself a freak of nature?”
“Yes.”
“Oh… know I love that,” Loki says, low and sensuous.
From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 38
Content Warning: Dissociation/DID, trauma, coercive power dynamics, spiritual abuse, manipulation of consent, possession fears, and spiritual themes involving deities, spirits, spell work, sex magic, and spiritual bindings.
When our ex Dom came back around, it had been months. I’d married Loki and been connecting with deity and learning from them. He was not happy at all and straight away told me, “You know this can’t work, don’t you?” He meant our relationship with him as our Dom now that Loki and the Gods had taken their place in my heart and life.
Something we’d been learning during this time period was that we’d placed our Dom as our God, just like our father was the first god we ever knew. And we were being shown that seat in our heart was not for a mortal. I can deeply love and be devoted to a man, of course, but it’s far easier if they are aware of their own limitations and not trying to keep that God seat in my heart, but supporting me in keeping it for Loki. I had hoped our Dom would do that. But he used an old trigger and went into convincing me the pagans I’d read were led by demons and my gods were in the middle of spiritually possessing me. Our fear of possession is stronger than most, I think. It’s what created half my system, that fear of becoming spiritually compromised and basically tortured from the inside out. We didn’t know a human being could possess us just as much as a spirit, though, and actually, he was very much angry that his possession was now being flipped on its head.
We were so fearful that we took down all of our gods’ altars and sat in an empty room, staring at blank walls, waiting for punishment from them. None came to punish us. Instead, they understood it, and Loki told us he’d be back in one year.
My ex Dom took over telling me how to dress and how to spend my days again. He didn’t want me wearing protective metal and said it was jarring to the flesh. Whose? His? I bet, but that’s hindsight speaking. He would support some things, like me remaining in certain energies that he could manipulate. Death, dead ends, and draining myself to fuel him and his life. I didn’t learn until recently what he actually was. Not everyone wearing flesh is all human.
During one of our low periods, I learned how to do a candle spell with Santa Muerte that she guided me in, and with it, I learned that night from a terrifying and vivid dream that he’d been casting obsession, dominance, and sex magic on me all that time. I laughed and told him my findings and told him, “Why would you do that when I willingly am here serving you?” He said nothing. How chilling it is to me now that all he heard was the spells hitting and working. He didn’t have to say anything. Even my seeing it couldn’t unbind me. His binds were so thoroughly hooked all throughout my system as long as I stayed in the trauma energies I was used to.
He needed our consent, and we’d given it to him every time we interacted with him and said yes to him in our actions and our words. In our subspaces, he’d have us giving him more and more consent. He was extremely greedy. Like, extremely. I’ve run into greed before, but nothing like this. He’d trained me that his greed meant his desire for me, and so I registered it as attraction and good. He got away with the most. Worst of all, he got me to abuse myself and cast on myself for him without my being aware of it.
-Lilith
From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 34
Content Warning: Childhood trauma, child marriage, dissociation/DID, BDSM and coercive power dynamics, trauma bonds, psychological manipulation, sexual exploitation, and spiritual themes involving deities, spiritual binding, and predatory entities.
We were learning to use tarot and oracle decks. Each day we practiced and read. We loved the pictures most. We read them by the pictures, while having a basic understanding of their meanings helped too. I started hearing a male voice say these witty and hilarious side comments as I shuffled and drew cards. I felt this warmth in my heart and knew he wasn’t just a terror being messing with me.
The Gods and Goddesses come through our heart first as our boundary. So I asked him, “Who are you? What’s your name?” And without skipping a beat, he said, “Loki. My name is Loki.”
I didn’t know anything about the Norse gods or Loki. I had, of course, heard his name before from all the Marvel commercials, but I hadn’t watched any of the films. I knew of Freya, the goddess of beauty and love and magic. She had been helping me a lot to feel safe in my femininity, which, to be true, was what I’d hoped to achieve with our Dominant partner. I sometimes wonder if Freya sent Loki to us or us to Loki. I like to think they will do that sort of thing as needed.
Loki really very quickly began to court us. I didn’t realize it was courting at the time. I was just very shocked at what was happening. He spoke to us more, and as we learned of him, he said he’d marry us, to which we were like, “What? What do you mean, marry us?” And it mirrored our trauma, deep trauma, of having been married when a child, which I will not talk about that trauma in depth.
(Side note: In our spiritual understanding, there are whole laws around this kind of thing, and I want to state something clearly. Children do not have the ability to choose such a binding for themselves. They can only be tricked into believing the binding exists until they reach an age where they can be tricked into entering it seemingly by their own free will, when actually there has usually been conditioning in them so they believe it is true and act as if it is true. Children spiritually are very, very, endlessly protected. If you are one of these children, reject it as an adult. You can and you have the loophole to do so because it happened when you were not able to make those kinds of bonds knowingly and within your sovereignty. Even the dark needs your sovereignty for contracts. Why do you think beings wait until you are an adult to approach you again? Even the Gods do. It’s a sovereignty law.)
So we knew it was possible, and we understood that for people who experience all the traumatic things in their early lives, there can be a balance and an opposite later on. Some people don’t open up to it, and some people wait for others to catch up. So we had these understandings and became aware this was courtship.
We had connected with Odin some too, and he treated us like we were daughters of his. Throwing us as children into the sunlight and seeing his smile and love for us. It was very healing. So then we suspected Odin brought us to Loki, or Loki to us, or had some hand involved in it. And we felt then that it was a blessed connection because they all hugged us and drew us nearer.
We had vivid dreams with Loki. He began to really put a focus on our relationships, and it wasn’t like he told us, “Hey, this guy is doing you wrong.” He instead played. I have no other way of describing it. Like he was enjoying stealing us from the thief.
-Star