Circle of Tall Trees

Tag: lily

My Sweetheart Head

September 11, 2026 / / 0 Comments

From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 28

Content Warning: Trauma, dissociation/DID, coercive control, sexual coercion, psychological manipulation, trauma bonds, and emotional abuse.

I didn’t really have the capacity to take our ex Dom seriously at the time. I tried, but I could see he wasn’t really taking things seriously himself. He was just using us and getting away with what he could.

Sometimes I think all the tricks he pulled on us were what made him feel powerful. Not “owning” me in any devotional sense or caretaking sense, but deceiving me. Kind of weird to me that he’d pick someone easy to deceive and then play that fantasy out hardcore. But we all have our fantasies.

We’d bounce back, which we found incredible. We had no idea of our own resilience because we’d never seen ourselves, our gifts and talents, our anything. We lived a life of survival.

The drawback is that sometimes it looks like resilience when it’s actually hypervigilance or a crash waiting to happen. But when our nervous system is regulated and our basic foundational needs are met, we can really succeed. Especially when we feel reciprocally loved back in a stable way.

For a time, we thought he did love us. He said as much and acted like he was struggling with not having us come to him, acting like he wanted us to be there with him in person at some point, even if it was years down the road.

It’s pretty painful to me because I have a lot of sweetness to give, and I gave it to the wrong person. I hate that. I really don’t like that he messed with my gut, my intuition, and my sweetheart head like that.

Oh sure, he wanted the sex, the adoration and worship, the devotion and unconditional love.

He just never wanted to reciprocate.

He called us fake a few times, and it pushed us to show up for him more and try to cure his loneliness with more.

I hate that he messed with our innocence, our naïveté, and our hope like that. Those things ain’t flaws. They are beautiful and deserved protection.

Just my two cents.

I didn’t much like him pretty quickly.

He wouldn’t let me orgasm for too long, until everything hurt and all the darkness swallowed me up, and when I begged until exhausted, then he’d act like he was saving me. My body responded to him and I couldn’t help it.

I’m real quiet usually.

But on this thing, I’m glad we’re speaking about it.

-Lily

Holy Balls

September 3, 2026 / / 0 Comments

From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 11

Content Warning: Childhood sexual curiosity, religious themes, and mature content.

Every single Sunday, I looked forward to that drive into town for one reason alone. Horse balls.

As long as I can remember, there stood a stallion statue above the sinner’s den where alcohol was consumed by trade of cash. This thing was life-sized and packin’. That horse was holy to me.

I’d get to trembling as the family station wagon drew near, roll onto my back, and look up through the window, in a time before seatbelts were the law, and too many kids meant some rode in the trunk, lying down low so the cops didn’t spot us.

Holy balls, that horse’s stuff swung low, sweet chariot, right into an eyeful.

I felt all hot and tingly, wondering if my future husband would have one like that. I’d carry such thoughts with me right into church and smile, stars in my eyes, with such a secret.

For religious purposes, of course.

Future husband worshipper in training.

-Lily

Lace-Collared

August 29, 2026 / / 0 Comments

From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 2

Content Warning: Candid reflections on adolescent sexual awakening, religious conditioning, and mature themes.

I went to church and I worshipped. There wasn’t much that didn’t seem completely phallic to me and vaginal. All the floral dresses and lace-collared women. Scant makeup and Avon’s best perfumes wafting behind them. Round butts and strong, wide calves.

I looked up to them, especially the different ones. The new-to-the-place ones. Not broken into our area’s flavor ones.

The old men with the stiff leather shoe wear and tie clasps. Ties being their main standout in dress code. White undershirts peeking through thin dress shirts carefully buttoned to the throat.

I guess they all wore their own collars just like the women did.

The pillars, the pulpit, the pews, all stiff cocks, built by men for our round behinds to sit upon and be graced.

I guess I got a dirty mind, but someone had to. I mean, it’s right there to see. I guess I took “picture them all naked” and made it my own.

I made it my business to keep an eye on the children. It kinda already was my business, being a young lady in training for her own brood of tiny worshippers one day.

I kept watch over them and led them from harm as often as I saw danger ahead. I loved daydreaming about marriage and being a momma. Getting involved as an Avon rep, possibly.

I also loved looking at my calves, wonderin’ when they’d fill out and hoping there were other righteous perverts around my age just waiting to date me.

Lots of my prayers turned out like:

Dear God, let him be kind, strong, and respectable. Let his ties hang loose and his shirt only button so far. Let my future husband be quiet like me, protective of the kids, and also very interested in the sex I wasn’t allowed to have until married after a string of requirements met.

-Lily

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Content Notice
Audience: Adults (18+).
Rating: Comparable to an R-rated film. Contains mature themes, sexual and sensual material, trauma, and spiritual content.

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