From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 34
Content Warning: Childhood trauma, child marriage, dissociation/DID, BDSM and coercive power dynamics, trauma bonds, psychological manipulation, sexual exploitation, and spiritual themes involving deities, spiritual binding, and predatory entities.
We were learning to use tarot and oracle decks. Each day we practiced and read. We loved the pictures most. We read them by the pictures, while having a basic understanding of their meanings helped too. I started hearing a male voice say these witty and hilarious side comments as I shuffled and drew cards. I felt this warmth in my heart and knew he wasn’t just a terror being messing with me.
The Gods and Goddesses come through our heart first as our boundary. So I asked him, “Who are you? What’s your name?” And without skipping a beat, he said, “Loki. My name is Loki.”
I didn’t know anything about the Norse gods or Loki. I had, of course, heard his name before from all the Marvel commercials, but I hadn’t watched any of the films. I knew of Freya, the goddess of beauty and love and magic. She had been helping me a lot to feel safe in my femininity, which, to be true, was what I’d hoped to achieve with our Dominant partner. I sometimes wonder if Freya sent Loki to us or us to Loki. I like to think they will do that sort of thing as needed.
Loki really very quickly began to court us. I didn’t realize it was courting at the time. I was just very shocked at what was happening. He spoke to us more, and as we learned of him, he said he’d marry us, to which we were like, “What? What do you mean, marry us?” And it mirrored our trauma, deep trauma, of having been married when a child, which I will not talk about that trauma in depth.
(Side note: In our spiritual understanding, there are whole laws around this kind of thing, and I want to state something clearly. Children do not have the ability to choose such a binding for themselves. They can only be tricked into believing the binding exists until they reach an age where they can be tricked into entering it seemingly by their own free will, when actually there has usually been conditioning in them so they believe it is true and act as if it is true. Children spiritually are very, very, endlessly protected. If you are one of these children, reject it as an adult. You can and you have the loophole to do so because it happened when you were not able to make those kinds of bonds knowingly and within your sovereignty. Even the dark needs your sovereignty for contracts. Why do you think beings wait until you are an adult to approach you again? Even the Gods do. It’s a sovereignty law.)
So we knew it was possible, and we understood that for people who experience all the traumatic things in their early lives, there can be a balance and an opposite later on. Some people don’t open up to it, and some people wait for others to catch up. So we had these understandings and became aware this was courtship.
We had connected with Odin some too, and he treated us like we were daughters of his. Throwing us as children into the sunlight and seeing his smile and love for us. It was very healing. So then we suspected Odin brought us to Loki, or Loki to us, or had some hand involved in it. And we felt then that it was a blessed connection because they all hugged us and drew us nearer.
We had vivid dreams with Loki. He began to really put a focus on our relationships, and it wasn’t like he told us, “Hey, this guy is doing you wrong.” He instead played. I have no other way of describing it. Like he was enjoying stealing us from the thief.
-Star
