A Lokean Devotional Vignette
“Oh! You can be so creepy sometimes!” I nervous laugh
“You like creepy.” Loki says
“Omfg!”
“Yes?”
My smile burns red.
Roasted on the spit.
Tag: spirituality
From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 26
Content Warning: BDSM and coercive power dynamics, psychological manipulation, grandiosity, dissociation, references to childhood abuse, and spiritual themes.
It was very disturbing to watch the Raven fall into submissive territory. I perked up to take her place… naturally. Demons demon.
I started misbehaving for our Dom in small, ridiculous ways, chipping at his very thin-shelled exterior. I thought to myself, if he is who he says he is, great! He’ll love the self-reflection and awareness. If not… okay, then it’s working.
I have this twisted pride. No one has anything on my father. I didn’t want him to be worse. I needed my father to maintain that position because worse is unimaginable to me, and fuck anyone trying to knock that fantastic pedestal my father built for himself and placed me beneath.
He’d called me good, and I really took it personally. Oh, now I have to learn to what? Behave saintly? No thank you. We have parts for that.
I lazed around flicking my tail at him and shining my claws. I happen to love madness. A little bit.
His was truly unrepentant. He’d crafted a whole spaceship around himself that zipped around and through us with noxious fumes, and I fell into grace after a while, aware he wasn’t really allowing me to demon. He was just taking my spot inside my system that I had rightfully earned by knocking the Raven a peg down.
I found the Gods and began to pray. In particular to the Goddesses, because my experiences with men weren’t so good.
-Lilith
From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 22
Content Warning: Psychological abuse, coercive D/s dynamics, dissociation, BDSM, religious conditioning, and complicated spiritual and sexual dynamics.
We’ve really had to discuss how to speak about this, the spiritual side of what happened to us with our first-ever Dom, who wasn’t a Dom at all, nor were we looking for a Dom. It’s very, well, chaotic, as you can tell by now. He was the person to introduce us to BDSM at all.
Our upbringing introduced us to a very classic dynamic within couples that made it feel natural to us. My mother and her mother and her mother were all submissive to their husbands. It was not only the spirituality we lived at the time, but also the dynamic in the home of our upbringing.
I remember my oldest brother asking me to cook for him on occasion. Like, literally, he asked me to make him a sandwich and another time a pie for his girlfriend. I did it with pride for having a skill that he needed. I was useful.
So, with this Dominant person, it was entirely natural to me that it would be the same. I was useful.
The issue is, my worldview was very cut off from the world at large. I only had a tiny perspective to go by and nothing else to gauge reality from. I still kind of prefer it that way, to be true. We’re already complicated, and humans are, and so I do actually prefer my world to be simple, while I also really love the complexity of reality, much like I enjoy a good story.
-Lilith
It is complicated to not sound completely off our rocker talking about the spiritual aspects. Well, but the D/s was always spiritual to us. That is right there to see within our upbringing. We treated it as holy. A communion between souls and God/s. It’s how we learned to open to our devotion and ekstasis at all. It is agape.
-Star
I rather like the plain texts on such things. Plainly and unabashedly is best.
-Lilith
Of course.
-Star
A Lokean Devotional Vignette
“Omfg, Loki.
You’re teaching me not to give a fuck and not to fear death…”
“Am I?” His smug expression ignites my heart.
“I’m going to have to watch what I say around you.”
From the Wild Collective Heart series
Content Warning: Candid reflections on trauma, grooming, coercive control, dissociation, and spiritual manipulation.
He knew me intimately. We’d met on a chat site where people listened to others to support them. Something about his attention broke me from my sleep on the inside, and I began trying to speak with him. I had no understanding of current events. My age. My circumstances. He really valued my spiritual and divine nature, and this flooded me with good feelings I wasn’t prepared to manage at all. I could barely form sentences, not used to communicating. I stuck to single words and built up to three words and then eventually sentences. It was difficult because I could see what I wanted to communicate in visions, and I had no words to speak it.
I was dreaming of him each night and felt it meant our meeting was by divine design. My spiritual framework from childhood in full effect, guiding me safely and securely into his hands. All he needed to do was be there, and I practically handed myself over to him. The overwhelm was so much. He loved my name. He saw value in my spiritual visions. I needed a replacement for the man who had been my god, my first husband, my whole world. Without him, I felt very lost, and the sadness made me tired.
He understood me. When he told me I was not as important a part of us inside, I went back to sleep for him and would not hear from him again until four years later.
Four years later, I woke up and we were with him again. I knew him immediately. He had laid enough familiarity and groundwork of his own that first time we’d met for me to do so. It took surprisingly little.
-Star
I whisper your name
between warm teeth
wet tongue on tooth
nothing to do but fall into your love
and slide beneath your weight
I can’t come to terms with this,
it’s too much too big too marvelous
he’s worked me
cornered,
eyes wide, wonderstruck
Grief gathered me to my heart.
Reminded me clocks die.
Love keeps longer than we do.
In that wake of earth,
heaped soil
crowned by flowers, pure blood-red.
My heart breathed,
quaking open.
You and me
spilled out
my eyes,
mouth,
and womb.
My knees were meant to hit earth.
Mercy rose in my tears.
Grace,
the spine of gratitude.