From the Wild Collective Heart series: Part 22

Content Warning: Psychological abuse, coercive D/s dynamics, dissociation, BDSM, religious conditioning, and complicated spiritual and sexual dynamics.

We’ve really had to discuss how to speak about this, the spiritual side of what happened to us with our first-ever Dom, who wasn’t a Dom at all, nor were we looking for a Dom. It’s very, well, chaotic, as you can tell by now. He was the person to introduce us to BDSM at all.

Our upbringing introduced us to a very classic dynamic within couples that made it feel natural to us. My mother and her mother and her mother were all submissive to their husbands. It was not only the spirituality we lived at the time, but also the dynamic in the home of our upbringing.

I remember my oldest brother asking me to cook for him on occasion. Like, literally, he asked me to make him a sandwich and another time a pie for his girlfriend. I did it with pride for having a skill that he needed. I was useful.

So, with this Dominant person, it was entirely natural to me that it would be the same. I was useful.

The issue is, my worldview was very cut off from the world at large. I only had a tiny perspective to go by and nothing else to gauge reality from. I still kind of prefer it that way, to be true. We’re already complicated, and humans are, and so I do actually prefer my world to be simple, while I also really love the complexity of reality, much like I enjoy a good story.

-Lilith

It is complicated to not sound completely off our rocker talking about the spiritual aspects. Well, but the D/s was always spiritual to us. That is right there to see within our upbringing. We treated it as holy. A communion between souls and God/s. It’s how we learned to open to our devotion and ekstasis at all. It is agape.

-Star

I rather like the plain texts on such things. Plainly and unabashedly is best.

-Lilith

Of course.

-Star